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Kim Kardashian posed with a
large ladle, which probably has make this water became holy thing.
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The fundamental problem with faith
and sexuality is religion. Religion, as a subset of culture, generally aims to control
and objectify women. I would know. Even I am not a woman. Even I am not a human
whose upbringing provided a front row seat to the world’s religious stage.
I observed the women around me. I
almost always state my opinion. And so, I set out in search of alternatives to conventional
religious femininity. I counseled women who felt excluded, misunderstood, undervalued,
and abused by religion. It was not surprising to hear that women on the outskirts
of faith also felt that their faith and sexuality were incompatible.
The holy book says, “In the image
of God he created them, male and female.” God made it simple, creating just two
categories of humanity. Religion unnecessarily complicates what it means to be male
or female. It creates rules that dictate what women ought to enjoy and what men
ought to enjoy, how women ought to behave and how men ought to behave, what women
are capable of doing and what men are capable of doing. In constraining a woman’s
full potential, religion sends a powerful message: Women are objects to control.
Religion also generally teaches that
women are less like God than men. But that’s not what God said. He said that both
men and women are created in the image of God. I like to add… boobs and all—as my
great teacher Nong Darol Mahmada says, “You are currently being breast observer.”.
If you hadn’t already guessed, the rationale behind the “men are more like God than
women” teaching is the fact that a prophet for our time—as Karen Armstrong put in
her book—is a man. But he had to be a man.
A prophet for our time was the kind
of feminist in history, protesting for the rights of women. He was among the stronger
majority fighting for the weaker minority. And his masculinity doesn’t make woman
less like God than a normal man. In teaching women that they are less like God than
men, religion sends a powerful message: Women are inferior objects, less
than human.
The rules that religion creates for
women are vast, and vary between specific sects and other religions. However, a
specific theme is prevalent. Most rules target the female body. A woman’s body is
touted as too alluring, too tempting, too sensual, and therefore, bad. The rules
range from self-pleasure to wardrobe, with what to wear garnering the most attention.
I and one of my friend—she is woman—were
visiting a ‘religion forums’ when the a man chided women for wearing V-necks that
were too revealing. He said the women were responsible for wearing clothes that
wouldn’t cause the men in these forum to lust. She turned to me and said, “If people
hadn’t noticed my boobs walking in the door, they are sure to notice as we leave.”
This experience begs the questions: Who is the wardrobe monitor? Why are V-necks
out, but tight fitting turtlenecks are OK? Where does one draw the line between
sinner and saint?
I know women who spend hours in the
mirror getting ready. And it’s not because they are worried about not feeling attractive.
They are worried about being too attractive. They
obsess about whether their outfits are too revealing. In believing they are responsible
for a man’s behavior, religious women send a powerful message: She is an object.
The key to balancing both faith and
sexuality is to rid oneself of a religious mindset. It’s not as easy as it might
sound—to lose religion, but keep your faith. I know it can be done because this
is how I live. As a man, we have been helping each others who had the same goal.
Women can have faith, and still feel sexy, strong, and self-aware. Women can live
to their greatest human potential, without limit and without constraint. In fact,
this is what God has wanted for us all along.